I’ve been quiet about what’s been going on with me lately and I’ve got to tell you, it has been a dark night of the soul for sure. We all have them. Usually, for me, they happen when I am not doing what I really want to be doing in my life, or not spending my time the way I want to with the people I want to spend it with.
I started asking myself why I felt so unhappy. I have so many good things in my life–a lovely home, amazing friends, a new life in the great city of Los Angeles, I get to travel and do work I love. What is going on?
I’ve had some family things going on with aging parents who are both suffering. Leonore Tjia transitioned out of my company this year after being my co-pilot for over 6 years and that has been a huge transition. It’s the right thing for us both, AND it’s still a big shift. I miss her, she’s amazing, and she will continue to rock everything she does.
So I went to Mexico to teach and perform at a women’s destination event and I was so fed by it–it reminded me of how much I love performing, how much that feeds me creatively and how my soul just needs it. I’m an artist. I don’t live like one. I live like a CEO of a small business who waits to have time for her art, and it just isn’t working for me.
I need to reinvent myself every 6 or 7 years. Are you like that? I get real itchy if I do the same thing for so long which is why I’m always doing something new…and yet that keeps me spinning and way too busy and working way too much. Even though I love my work, it’s too much–and it doesn’t allow me the time to be creative that I so very much want.
And this solopreneur thing is so over-rated. I like people–I want to work with them more.
So my vision for the rest of 2018 and for the foreseeable future?
CREATIVITY AND COLLABORATION.
That is what I crave. Working with Dawn Serra on the Sex, Power & Leadership Conference was amazing–she is such a goddess-send and we created a lovely friendship working on this beautiful thing we made. I really love that woman and will always be up for collaborations with her because she is a joy to work with. And all of the people I got to talk to, just a lovely gift it was.
You know what I did when I got home from Mexico? I reached out to Julia Murphy, the co-writer and director of my play Vulvalution–which we produced off-off-Broadway in New York in 1999 to a sold-out audience, and I told her it’s time to bring Vulvalution back. I want to put it up in LA.
Do you know I didn’t even have a copy of the script because it was on floppy disks!? That’s how old it is. In fact, its 20 year anniversary is next year, so we are going to revive it for that! Honestly, it may have been before its time and I think the world is much more ready for it now.
Every week Julia and I are working on it, and we are thrilled. The play still holds up and we are updating it, adding some characters and making it the great play we know it can be. I can hardly wait to share it with you. But collaboration and creativity take time…and I have learned to patiently produce the things I develop, and now is the time for this as I am starting a new book as well.
So I’ll be hunkering down, being creative, in development, finishing At Your Cervix and collaborating with fantastic people. From this creative space, I do my best healing work and education.
This is how Fire Woman Retreat was birthed…out of a big creative vision that includes all the things that feed me: experiential education, play, creativity, performance, intimacy, collaboration, beauty. It’s all there–in spades.
At the end of Fire Woman last year, Leonore and I high-fived each other and said, “We Nailed It!” It was truly everything we wanted it to be. And then some. It. Was. Amazing.
This is a photo of us right after that high five, feeling tired but so so happy about our amazing retreat:
So for the next few months, my work will be focused on making Fire Woman Retreat even more amazing than last year. I’m inviting some special guest teachers, we are bringing back the tried and true and I’ll be sharing some new teachings. It’s truly a phenomenal and unique event and I’d love to have you there.
I wanted you to know first: It’s official, I’m opening the doors.
I believe it will sell out this year because last year was so successful that the women are coming back and bringing friends. Come. Let that land hold you, let the women witness you, let the teachers inspire you, let the opportunities to play light your fire, and let yourself heal, explore and expand. Fire Woman is all that.
I feel so blessed to be through the dark nights and feeling the shiny, bright, creative energy of summertime. Happy summer solstice. May the sun shine in your heart and illuminate the things your soul is craving. When you figure it out, when you hear the call, follow it. Life is too short not to. Do what you are here to do and be the lover you are.
I am grateful to you. I am grateful always for my work and for the opportunities to expand and to share honestly about the ups and downs life brings. We can’t be in our full-on pleasure without knowing the flipside, the dullness and lack of joy that can motivate us towards something more delicious that feeds our soul. The light wouldn’t be bright without those dark nights.
Jump on the registration of Fire Woman Retreat here: FireWomanRetreat.com
Thanks for reading! What Surfaced From My Dark Night of the Soul originally posted on September 15, 2018 12:19 am. Click Here to read this article in it’s entirety from the source