I’ve been thinking a lot about sexual armor and how much of it many of us are wearing, and how that gets in the way of having what you really want, which I hear over and over to be: more connection, more intimacy, more depth, more pleasure, more love…yet if we are all armored up, that is a pretty big challenge. Armor, unlike a costume tends to stay with us.
For many women, or many of us who play a sexual gatekeeper role, we get used to the energy of things coming at us, hands reaching, grabbing, wanting, the feeling of owing others something through our body and sexuality, the taking, the feeling of “it’s not mine.”
This happens over and over for so many of us and so our psychic armor goes up, and can get real thick.
Impenetrable by design.
It has to for our own self-preservation.
It’s there to care for us and protect us from things being taken we don’t want to give.
And most of us have had that experience more than once.
That breeds several things: resentment, the feeling of our choices, body, sex, pleasure and desire not being our own, a feeling of owing men or owing partners sex, a disconnection from our own bodies and pleasure, and a host of other things.
This serves to remove our sexuality to the outskirts of our own energy field, to back it into the recesses of our minds away from full consciousness as we become alienated from our very own life force.
We become exiled from the most powerful source of energy and vitality within us.
If we experienced trauma in addition, then the layers pile on–the traumatic event(s) itself and the hurt, the emotional fragility, the post-traumatic stress responses in our bodies and psyches, the fear of it happening again, the dispairing feeling that something is lost.
Our belief systems are hijacked and if we are surrounded by people who are incapable of supporting us in healing, more pain is added to our force field.
And so we pad ourselves with all of this, and our wires can get quite tangled up around what is pleasure and what is pain, about what is ours and what is others.
And if more wanting comes towards us we feel the pain, the frustration, the sadness or anger of not wanting to give, not having anything left to give–even if it’s a situation in which we WANT to.
That can be pretty hard for those who are close to us and want to be closer–those on the receiving end of what feels like deep rejection. They are feeling our armor and not knowing how to move closer, and sometimes like a wild animal we are vehemently guarding our territory, our body, our young.
We can find the way through.
It is possible to let down our armor where we do not need or want it and do it differently.
It requires rebuilding our circuits of connection and pleasure, re-embracing our desire, owning our own body and power and changing the beliefs that keep us in a state of sexual deprivation.
Sometimes we need a sexual makeover to the depths.
How does your armor show up? How does it help you or impede you? How do you know it’s there? I’d love to hear from you.
If this resonates with you, and you’re ready to let the armor go and shift the patterns keeping you in the sexual desert rather than in the flow, freedom, joy and pleasure you want in your relationship(s) and body,
I want to invite you to take the next year to do your makeover, replenish your well, and reorganize your entire relationship to your sexuality so you can have the things you most want.
I just announced at Fire Woman Retreat, my most comprehensive women’s sexual empowerment program yet and I want to invite you to join us. About half of the spots are already filled.
If you are ready to make a real change and invest in having a very different relationship, intimate and sexual life, apply to the program and let’s talk.
This is the deep dive. We’re going all in, and we’re getting to the roots of what holds us back.
I am thrilled about how my best programs have evolved into this comprehensive offering.
Just click below to apply and set up a time to talk with me or one of my coordinators.